catch (4)

October 24, 2011

A wall was changing colors, providing what could be called as illumination in a very dark room. It had been reflecting lights from a laptop screen. It was quiet, except for 5 distinct sounds:

Two old electric fans stood buzzing. One directed at the area of the laptop, another aimed to cool the resident of the bed on the other end of that dark room.

A loud snoring from the occupant of the said bed, who unfortunately makes loud grunting sounds every once in a while.

The cracking and burning of tobacco leaves from a lit cigarette.

Lastly, the muffled laughter from the person holding the cigarette, the very same person watching a movie from the said laptop.

This person, Catch, sat in the other bed of that room. He rested his back at the color-change wall, his left hand holding an ashtray, his right equipped with the cigarette.

He was watching some clips. a funny short about various newscaster bloopers posted at youtube. Watching, trying to release the tension of this morning’s argument. He didn’t want to wait until June before they move. He wanted them to move out immediately.

The antics of the people in the clips he was watching appealed to him. he wished it was day time so he could laugh with all his heart. Everyone was already asleep, and he didn’t want to wake up any one because of his laughter. So instead, he giggled like an elementary school girl. doing his best not to make any sound, and yet not compromise his appreciation of the laughable things people do on cam.

Catch thought of his catch. Maybe that person had a point, he thought. He smiled. That kid had some sense. He’d never known anyone that has the same interests as he does. The same argumentative hunger, the intellectual depth, the artistic feel. Somehow, he could not stop thinking about him. He glaced to his left, his catch lay there beside him. crumpled on his side, like a sleeping baby.

He shook his head and took a puff from his cigarette. the clip now focused on an old man with an infectious laughter. pure 9 minutes of “hyuk hyuk’s” that turned around what was supposedly a show that would entertain him. It was the host’s turn to become a part of the audience.Catch sported a painfully muffled giggle.

He couldn’t help it. He laughed. He felt his catch jerk in sleep. Catch thought that that person would laugh too, had he not already been sleeping.

he took another puff from the cigarette, and drew in stale cigarette smoke. he coughed. There had been no embers anymore at the tip of the stick. he looked at the ashtray, the embers were there. He reached for the pack of cigarettes from beside the laptop, tapped it vigorously against the back of his hand and took a stick. he grabbed the ash tray and had the end of the stick touch the burning tobacco at the bottom of the crystal tray. He drew in some breaths through the stick, and lit the cigarette.

he blew smoke.

The clip ended, leaving him in tears, and with a painful midsection. He was started to sweat.

After a couple of puffs of smoke, an idea hit Catch.

He felt his body react to this idea. His body was agreeing, and in seconds, a warm feeling came over him. Then the typical throbbing that came after.

Catch closed the laptop, allowing the darkness to spill back into the room. He crept his hands towards the sleeping man. eventually reaching into the intimate crevices that the foetal position would notreadily give away. The sleeping man was hard. With Catch’s nimble fingers and strong arms, he freed the sleeping man from the boxers, and held him tightly. He felt the heat permeate his palms and add to his own.

Then he heard a dreamy laughter. His catch was laughing in his sleep.

friend – chapter three

books – chapter two

the next day – chapter one


things that walk away

October 12, 2011

He cried. He is crying. He will cry.


Talking to himself during stressful moments became helpful. He would always recite his mantra to help him soothe his mood. “I am my own captain. I am my own captain.” He also shared his thoughts with his pillows, who were so sympathetic that they let him punch them when he couldn’t control his anger anymore. All of a sudden, he was alone in the world. And all the things he used to know, all the things he used to have, are now walking away from him. Those ungrateful things never looked back. They just walked away.

He never wanted to be alone. It was like suicide to live his complicated life with only himself and lifeless plump pillows to talk to. He used to be the happiest person in the world, laughing over simple things and smiling every time he wakes up. He used to have that unique glow that was very contagious and he made everyone so cheerful. But now he was enveloped with gloom, sulking inside his room whenever he is idle. His world seemed to stop revolving, as if his orbit had a clot and he didn’t know where to go anymore.

He told himself that it will all get better in time. Yes, he will wait for fresh wounds to heal again. And he will wait for his world to find a new orbit, a new solar system, a new galaxy. Will the things walk back to him again? He didn’t care. He will wait for new things to come. And he will embrace these things with open arms. He will embrace them tight enough to keep them secure but loose enough for them to have their own space to grow. And if time comes that these new things wanted to walk away too, he was now ready to let go. There may be wounds, but old scars will make him stronger.



October 11, 2011

…is growing when every time you were hurt the more you become determined to love,

despite imperfections,

you accepted it with your whole heart – in trials,

together you survive,

in sufferings,

defeated or not,

both of you will fight back and at the end of the day when you almost want to give up,

you cannot,

because you know it will torn you apart.



October 5, 2011

Rules For Successful Living.

1. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

2. Learn to be patient.

3. Always be willing to admit that you don’t have all the answers.

4. Learn to forgive.

5. Identify your values and then live them.

6. Learn to make peace with how you’re feeling whether you like the way that it feels or not.

7. Practice being present.

8. Look for beauty in everything.

9. Build on your strengths

10. First fill yourself up with love. Then let it spill out into the world.

11. Let God be the center of everything you do.



October 5, 2011

some people never learn and probably never will.


rare species

October 4, 2011

cause delight to the senses and,

at the same time,

embrace me with a scare factor.

and when such contradiction exist,

the antithesis

— which more often than not appears as a disguised time-lapse

— affects my subconscious self.


friend – chapter three

September 25, 2011

“what’s his problem? why’d he hang up?” friend, said. he was seated at the back of a car. beside him lay an orange gym bag. in front was a driver, and on the passenger side were a stack of cd’s. he wore a tattered black shirt, and grey plaid pj’s. he just woke up.

“what’s up with him? he’s so moody.” friend said aloud again. the driver of the car made a witty response. a response we’ll never know. friend was too busy with a text message he just received that he didn’t hear it. too preoccupied to even remember Books’ cancelling of the call.

“i’ll go to manila in 2 months.”

friend ‘s heart raced again. this was it. the fulfillment of the wish. perhaps going back to the philippines was really a wise decision. excited, he blurted a suggestion to the driver.

“cebuano might drop by in two months. can he still crash at your place then?” friend asked the driver.

the driver responded with a jokingly sarcastic retort. something about orphanages and cats, it made no sense to friend. friend was halfway through with a reply to the text message.

he was thinking of how to finish it off. something smart, classy and witty, but not seemingly needy, that’s how he always finished off his responses. always.

the only child of a family that’s consistently on the move friend never had a lot of friends. he’d be happy with one or two. but with the advent of technology and all things fast friend started having a network of acquaintances from all over the world wide web.

ever since he was little, his fascination of colors, shapes, textures and expression of his innermost desires and emotions stirred a strong inclination towards the arts. eventually winging a degree, he sought to work and express.

lastly, he prided himself of not only being inclined to the arts, but also in being intellectually ahead. a true artist, a prodigy. a future icon.

looking at his reply, he was torn as to what he would really want to happen. a significant part of him wanted ‘Cebuano’ to come, two months is definitely something he can wait out. a part of him didn’t: He was supposed to come the next day. not in two months.

he deleted his reply. he erased Cebuano’s message.

“do you have any body sprays with you?” friend asked the driver.

“there’s one at the gym bag beside you.” the Driver then laughed.

“what’s funny?”

“you should’ve taken a bath. you are going to meet someone right?” driver teased.

friend looked at his reflection at the rear view mirror, his hair was disgruntled, his eyes puffy. designer stubble littered his face. he looked smelly. he smelled his shirt, and he didn’t smell cute either. quickly, he zipped open the gym bag, propped his phone inside it, took out the body spray, a spare shirt and blue boxers. he also took out a lime green baseball cap.

“so my gym bag’s your dresser now?”

“you shouldn’t have laughed at me.” friend replied with a grin.

he tore off his pjs and his tattered black shirt. he sprayed a generous amount of body spray to his body. after a great deal of humiliation, and some very difficult show of flexibility, he was able to change into the blue boxers and white shirt. after trying to make his hair follow the makeover that had been happening, he simply decided to put on the lime green cap.

friend looked at the rear view mirror, and satisfied with the results of his on-the-road makeover; he retrieved his phone from the gym bag and dialed books’ number.

books – chapter two

the next day – chapter one