Archive for the ‘love’ Category


Partial State of Undress (6)

April 11, 2012

Dreamer woke up with a palm pressed against his mouth. his lips tasted something alkaline, to the point of being bitter. he smelled what seemed like his favorite hand cream. The room smelled of burned cigarette butts.

His back felt like being plastered to the bed with sweat. between his legs, he felt something cold, icky and creamy.

He heard a deep panting, a loud snore, and the thrall of two electric fans. It was dark, so dreamer couldn’t see a thing, he prayed for light and a passing car illuminated the environment to show a large figure attached to the hand shutting his mouth. it was wearing a white shirt, had scruffy hair and a sweaty face, the most important fact was that it was looming on him. He struggled.

“It’s just me!”, The person whispered.

And before the light left the room, he noticed it was Catch. Dreamer removed the hand that shut his mouth and brought it to his own sweaty chest.

“What are you doing?” Dreamer asked.

“Um, well…” Catch looked to his left, looking for a way to explain.


“You were having a nightmare, and you were groaning. I covered your mouth to stop you from waking up the whole house.” Catch replied.

“Yeah, I kinda remember now.”

“You want water?”

“No, I’m fine.”. Dreamer positioned his arms to help him sit up.

Catch reached around Dreamer’s back and helped him up.

“Your shirt’s wet. i should get you a fresh one.”

“It’s fine, thank you.” Dreamer smiled at Catch.

Catch kissed Dreamer in the forehead, and sat properly beside him. He extended his arm around Dreamer’s neck, positioning it comfortably. “Wanna tell me about your nightmare?”

“It was really weird. I’d been bird-watching at a mountainside. It was beautiful. Filled with light, sounds, and life”

Catch raised his eyebrow. “You were scared of birds? that’s new.”

Dreamer play-punched Catch’s side. “When did that ever happen? weirdo.”

Catch laughed. “okay, go on, don’t let me bother your horror flick. what happened next?”

“Then I heard this scary cawing sound. I searched the area with binoculars-” Dreamer cut himself, “-No, an SLR camera!”

“Wow, nice dream so far.”

“Yeah, I know.” Dreamer laughed.

“Go on, don’t leave me hanging!” Catch nudged.

“Well, where was I? Oh yeah. As I scanned the area with my <italic>digital</italic> SLR camera, the trees started shedding their leaves, the sounds of nature started quieting down, and the winds came to a stop. It started to grow dark as well.” Dreamer sighed. He reached for his pack of cigarettes on the headboard, and lit a stick, he continued as he puffed:

“Then I saw this man sitting on top of a bare and lifeless tree. He sat there looking to his side. He wore a blue shirt and white pants.He then traced a line from his neck, down to his navel. and as he did that, his shirt started getting ripped, and change color – From blue to red!”

Catch frowned slightly. “Another boy in your dream? you cheat.”

Dreamer laughed. “I was only looking. I didn’t touch him. Nothing happened. ”

Catch slapped the boy’s head and laughed as well.

“Moving on, he face changed expressions as well. from being peaceful and calm, to angry. Very, very angry. I don’t know why, but I got so scared, and I stopped looking at the camera. I lowered it down,and looked at the tree again. It was them that I saw him, literally a few inches from my face. I was so scared. It was then that I woke up, and you were ganging up on my mouth.”

Catch showed interest up until the last statement, which was when he looked down. Dreamer noticed this and raised an eyebrow.

“Why were you doing that anyway? Shouldn’t you be waking me up or something?”

“Ah! that’s the thing. I told you to wake up. Then you started groaning louder.”

Dreamer shook his head. “Your trail of logic still doesn’t make sense. Why were you pressing down on my mouth?” It was Dreamer’s turn to notice something else. “Where’s your short? why aren’t you wearing shorts?”

Catch took Dreamer’s cigarette and puffed, as he blew smoke towards the window he said: “You’re not wearing shorts too.”

Dreamer looked under the sheets and saw the same state of undress as Catch. He remembered the icky feeling between his butt cheeks.

“You prat! you were doing me while I was having a nightmare?!” Dreamer now punched Catch’s chest, the play part removed.

“I thought you were awake, or at least close to being awake! You were moaning for heaven’s sake!”

“I was groaning because of a nightmare!”

Catch laughed. Dreamer laughed too.

“Horny prat.”

“deep sleeper.”

dreamer – chapter five

catch – chapter four

friend – chapter three

books – chapter two

the next day – chapter one


dreamer (5)

January 22, 2012

He was looking at a fascinating sight. A mountainside, with various trees and even varying shades of green. Even better was the fact that some of them were littered with color: blasts of yellow, bursts of red, lashings of purple and spots of pink.

As the wind blew cool morning air, the petals of some of these colorful flowers joined in, and danced in the air. He smiled.

It was a bright sunny day. The sky was clear and looked as if it were a part of the ocean floating in the air. The sun had been beating down on the good earth, and all of nature basked in the rays. He was protected by the shadow of the tree he sat beside of.

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Even in the darkness, the colors of the scene crept up his nose. The damp brown earth, the green blades of grass. The whitish bark of the caring tree, even the bright yellow sun.

In the darkness, the sounds of the world spoke of life. He could hear the orchestra of birds, the rustling of the leaves, the howling of the wind in his ear. He could hear the buzzing of the bees, and the chriping crickets.

He stretched his arms and allowed himself to fall back towards the damp earth. Some of the grass blades pierced his shirt, he felt the cool sheet of dew on the ground. the velvety leaves of a bush teased his fingers. Upon freeing his feet from their locked position, he stretched both and felt the stubborness of hard rock.

His eyes were met with a bright light, however, when his eyes adjusted, he saw the most peculiar play of light he had every seen.

The branches and leaves of the caring tree that provided him shade had lost color, and in between these branches were patches of light. as the leaves danced with the wind, the patches of light shifted, creating a sea of light and shadows. fascinated, he reached to his left and pulled his digital SLR camera.


He sat up. While brushing off grass that stuck to his shirt, he heard an unusual chirping sound. slowly, he looked from side to side looking for the source. It seemed to come from something very big. He scanned the nearby canopy using his camera. The chirping stopped.

Lowering the camera, he thought of how sad it was, losing the opportunity to have at least taken a picture of that ominous creature.

Looking back at the mountainside, he noticed how the color of the mountain was fading away. the greens, yellos, reds, purples and pinks were being dragged by the wind. The earth was steadily becoming silent as well: birds have stopped singing, the bees have stooped buzzing. eventually, even the wind stopped howling in his ear.

He noticed a steady shadow creeping over the landscape. He looked up and saw a large dark cloud conquering the blue sky. looking back down, the bare trees appeared sharp and malicious. Then he saw it.

A bright speck of blue sat unmoved atop one of the barren trees on the mountainside. he took to his camera again and focused on the blue speck.

He was surprised to find out that it was a bright blue shirt. Even more surprising was that it was worn by a man sporting white pants. the man had a young, peaceful, fresh look that had been facing the direction from where the dark cloud came from.


When the camera had refreshed, he looked at the screen again. The young man’s face changed into a pained expression. as he was about to take another shot, the man faced him, and saw anger. deep, rooted anger. He was stunned in place.

The man looked directly at him, eye to eye. he noticed the man put his right hand on the collar of his shirt and folded all fingers except his index. Then slowly, the man dragged his finger down. As it was happening, the shirt was being cut open along the very same path. as it happened as well, he noticed the man’s face become more and more angry. his skin darkened. the color of his shirt changed color as well, to red.

As the man’s index finger reached the top of his white pants, the wind stopped, and the cloud had fully covered the sky: everything stood still.

As the boy firmly held the camera between him and the man, he heard the other speak loud and clear:

“Wake up!”

he heard it as if the man were only a few feet away. a cold shudder rand along his spine. In fear, he lowered the camera slowly.

He wished he hadn’t. He found the man standing directly in front of him.

The boy screamed.

catch – chapter four

friend – chapter three

books – chapter two

the next day – chapter one



November 9, 2011

infidelity defeats the purpose of respect.

and without respect,

love is diluted.


catch (4)

October 24, 2011

A wall was changing colors, providing what could be called as illumination in a very dark room. It had been reflecting lights from a laptop screen. It was quiet, except for 5 distinct sounds:

Two old electric fans stood buzzing. One directed at the area of the laptop, another aimed to cool the resident of the bed on the other end of that dark room.

A loud snoring from the occupant of the said bed, who unfortunately makes loud grunting sounds every once in a while.

The cracking and burning of tobacco leaves from a lit cigarette.

Lastly, the muffled laughter from the person holding the cigarette, the very same person watching a movie from the said laptop.

This person, Catch, sat in the other bed of that room. He rested his back at the color-change wall, his left hand holding an ashtray, his right equipped with the cigarette.

He was watching some clips. a funny short about various newscaster bloopers posted at youtube. Watching, trying to release the tension of this morning’s argument. He didn’t want to wait until June before they move. He wanted them to move out immediately.

The antics of the people in the clips he was watching appealed to him. he wished it was day time so he could laugh with all his heart. Everyone was already asleep, and he didn’t want to wake up any one because of his laughter. So instead, he giggled like an elementary school girl. doing his best not to make any sound, and yet not compromise his appreciation of the laughable things people do on cam.

Catch thought of his catch. Maybe that person had a point, he thought. He smiled. That kid had some sense. He’d never known anyone that has the same interests as he does. The same argumentative hunger, the intellectual depth, the artistic feel. Somehow, he could not stop thinking about him. He glaced to his left, his catch lay there beside him. crumpled on his side, like a sleeping baby.

He shook his head and took a puff from his cigarette. the clip now focused on an old man with an infectious laughter. pure 9 minutes of “hyuk hyuk’s” that turned around what was supposedly a show that would entertain him. It was the host’s turn to become a part of the audience.Catch sported a painfully muffled giggle.

He couldn’t help it. He laughed. He felt his catch jerk in sleep. Catch thought that that person would laugh too, had he not already been sleeping.

he took another puff from the cigarette, and drew in stale cigarette smoke. he coughed. There had been no embers anymore at the tip of the stick. he looked at the ashtray, the embers were there. He reached for the pack of cigarettes from beside the laptop, tapped it vigorously against the back of his hand and took a stick. he grabbed the ash tray and had the end of the stick touch the burning tobacco at the bottom of the crystal tray. He drew in some breaths through the stick, and lit the cigarette.

he blew smoke.

The clip ended, leaving him in tears, and with a painful midsection. He was started to sweat.

After a couple of puffs of smoke, an idea hit Catch.

He felt his body react to this idea. His body was agreeing, and in seconds, a warm feeling came over him. Then the typical throbbing that came after.

Catch closed the laptop, allowing the darkness to spill back into the room. He crept his hands towards the sleeping man. eventually reaching into the intimate crevices that the foetal position would notreadily give away. The sleeping man was hard. With Catch’s nimble fingers and strong arms, he freed the sleeping man from the boxers, and held him tightly. He felt the heat permeate his palms and add to his own.

Then he heard a dreamy laughter. His catch was laughing in his sleep.

friend – chapter three

books – chapter two

the next day – chapter one


things that walk away

October 12, 2011

He cried. He is crying. He will cry.


Talking to himself during stressful moments became helpful. He would always recite his mantra to help him soothe his mood. “I am my own captain. I am my own captain.” He also shared his thoughts with his pillows, who were so sympathetic that they let him punch them when he couldn’t control his anger anymore. All of a sudden, he was alone in the world. And all the things he used to know, all the things he used to have, are now walking away from him. Those ungrateful things never looked back. They just walked away.

He never wanted to be alone. It was like suicide to live his complicated life with only himself and lifeless plump pillows to talk to. He used to be the happiest person in the world, laughing over simple things and smiling every time he wakes up. He used to have that unique glow that was very contagious and he made everyone so cheerful. But now he was enveloped with gloom, sulking inside his room whenever he is idle. His world seemed to stop revolving, as if his orbit had a clot and he didn’t know where to go anymore.

He told himself that it will all get better in time. Yes, he will wait for fresh wounds to heal again. And he will wait for his world to find a new orbit, a new solar system, a new galaxy. Will the things walk back to him again? He didn’t care. He will wait for new things to come. And he will embrace these things with open arms. He will embrace them tight enough to keep them secure but loose enough for them to have their own space to grow. And if time comes that these new things wanted to walk away too, he was now ready to let go. There may be wounds, but old scars will make him stronger.



October 11, 2011

…is growing when every time you were hurt the more you become determined to love,

despite imperfections,

you accepted it with your whole heart – in trials,

together you survive,

in sufferings,

defeated or not,

both of you will fight back and at the end of the day when you almost want to give up,

you cannot,

because you know it will torn you apart.



October 5, 2011

some people never learn and probably never will.