Archive for October, 2011

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catch (4)

October 24, 2011

A wall was changing colors, providing what could be called as illumination in a very dark room. It had been reflecting lights from a laptop screen. It was quiet, except for 5 distinct sounds:

Two old electric fans stood buzzing. One directed at the area of the laptop, another aimed to cool the resident of the bed on the other end of that dark room.

A loud snoring from the occupant of the said bed, who unfortunately makes loud grunting sounds every once in a while.

The cracking and burning of tobacco leaves from a lit cigarette.

Lastly, the muffled laughter from the person holding the cigarette, the very same person watching a movie from the said laptop.

This person, Catch, sat in the other bed of that room. He rested his back at the color-change wall, his left hand holding an ashtray, his right equipped with the cigarette.

He was watching some clips. a funny short about various newscaster bloopers posted at youtube. Watching, trying to release the tension of this morning’s argument. He didn’t want to wait until June before they move. He wanted them to move out immediately.

The antics of the people in the clips he was watching appealed to him. he wished it was day time so he could laugh with all his heart. Everyone was already asleep, and he didn’t want to wake up any one because of his laughter. So instead, he giggled like an elementary school girl. doing his best not to make any sound, and yet not compromise his appreciation of the laughable things people do on cam.

Catch thought of his catch. Maybe that person had a point, he thought. He smiled. That kid had some sense. He’d never known anyone that has the same interests as he does. The same argumentative hunger, the intellectual depth, the artistic feel. Somehow, he could not stop thinking about him. He glaced to his left, his catch lay there beside him. crumpled on his side, like a sleeping baby.

He shook his head and took a puff from his cigarette. the clip now focused on an old man with an infectious laughter. pure 9 minutes of “hyuk hyuk’s” that turned around what was supposedly a show that would entertain him. It was the host’s turn to become a part of the audience.Catch sported a painfully muffled giggle.

He couldn’t help it. He laughed. He felt his catch jerk in sleep. Catch thought that that person would laugh too, had he not already been sleeping.

he took another puff from the cigarette, and drew in stale cigarette smoke. he coughed. There had been no embers anymore at the tip of the stick. he looked at the ashtray, the embers were there. He reached for the pack of cigarettes from beside the laptop, tapped it vigorously against the back of his hand and took a stick. he grabbed the ash tray and had the end of the stick touch the burning tobacco at the bottom of the crystal tray. He drew in some breaths through the stick, and lit the cigarette.

he blew smoke.

The clip ended, leaving him in tears, and with a painful midsection. He was started to sweat.

After a couple of puffs of smoke, an idea hit Catch.

He felt his body react to this idea. His body was agreeing, and in seconds, a warm feeling came over him. Then the typical throbbing that came after.

Catch closed the laptop, allowing the darkness to spill back into the room. He crept his hands towards the sleeping man. eventually reaching into the intimate crevices that the foetal position would notreadily give away. The sleeping man was hard. With Catch’s nimble fingers and strong arms, he freed the sleeping man from the boxers, and held him tightly. He felt the heat permeate his palms and add to his own.

Then he heard a dreamy laughter. His catch was laughing in his sleep.

friend – chapter three

books – chapter two

the next day – chapter one

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things that walk away

October 12, 2011

He cried. He is crying. He will cry.

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Talking to himself during stressful moments became helpful. He would always recite his mantra to help him soothe his mood. “I am my own captain. I am my own captain.” He also shared his thoughts with his pillows, who were so sympathetic that they let him punch them when he couldn’t control his anger anymore. All of a sudden, he was alone in the world. And all the things he used to know, all the things he used to have, are now walking away from him. Those ungrateful things never looked back. They just walked away.

He never wanted to be alone. It was like suicide to live his complicated life with only himself and lifeless plump pillows to talk to. He used to be the happiest person in the world, laughing over simple things and smiling every time he wakes up. He used to have that unique glow that was very contagious and he made everyone so cheerful. But now he was enveloped with gloom, sulking inside his room whenever he is idle. His world seemed to stop revolving, as if his orbit had a clot and he didn’t know where to go anymore.

He told himself that it will all get better in time. Yes, he will wait for fresh wounds to heal again. And he will wait for his world to find a new orbit, a new solar system, a new galaxy. Will the things walk back to him again? He didn’t care. He will wait for new things to come. And he will embrace these things with open arms. He will embrace them tight enough to keep them secure but loose enough for them to have their own space to grow. And if time comes that these new things wanted to walk away too, he was now ready to let go. There may be wounds, but old scars will make him stronger.

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relationship

October 11, 2011

…is growing when every time you were hurt the more you become determined to love,

despite imperfections,

you accepted it with your whole heart – in trials,

together you survive,

in sufferings,

defeated or not,

both of you will fight back and at the end of the day when you almost want to give up,

you cannot,

because you know it will torn you apart.

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keys

October 5, 2011

Rules For Successful Living.

1. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

2. Learn to be patient.

3. Always be willing to admit that you don’t have all the answers.

4. Learn to forgive.

5. Identify your values and then live them.

6. Learn to make peace with how you’re feeling whether you like the way that it feels or not.

7. Practice being present.

8. Look for beauty in everything.

9. Build on your strengths

10. First fill yourself up with love. Then let it spill out into the world.

11. Let God be the center of everything you do.

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sad

October 5, 2011

some people never learn and probably never will.

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rare species

October 4, 2011

cause delight to the senses and,

at the same time,

embrace me with a scare factor.

and when such contradiction exist,

the antithesis

— which more often than not appears as a disguised time-lapse

— affects my subconscious self.